Marriage counseling retreats sound like a good idea. But they have not been shown in research to be any more effective than marriage counseling in your home town. When you are constantly fighting or arguing with your spouse, do you really think that going to a beautiful resort is going to make you get along? There is one exception.
If you are arguing because you are under a lot of stress, and that is the only reason, then taking a vacation can be very good for your relationship. But don’t ruin it by doing marriage counseling on your vacation. Take time to relax and enjoy each other. But if you are reading this blog, it’s probably not all about situational stress, or you would have just taken a vacation.
So how about this proposal? Get your marriage to where you are at least comfortable being around one another and then go on a vacation together. The problem with therapy retreats is that the therapist has a week or two to get to know you. You often end up in a group setting where one couple dominates sessions and you are not focused on at all (unless you are the ones who dominate). You have less than a day to practice your skills before you have your next session, so you can’t really say whether they worked or if they have staying power. And once you leave, you do not get support in changing your marriage any further. Over the course of a month or two (or three), new issues will come up, and you are left wondering what to do. It might seem like you are taking the biggest and most serious step that you can in order to make your marriage work. But the biggest step you can take is to see a therapist that you trust and get along with, and then taking it seriously and working at your marriage in the weeks in between sessions.
